A long-winded birthday card

CARBLE oops BITE

1/14/19 7:47 PM
RECREATED IMESSAGE CONVERSATION (1/14/19)
Today 7:30 PM
(picture of link to cable bites, urbanoutfitters.com)
Help me pick one out for Lexy
Lolly
I know you’re at a party and dancing your heart out
But
This is important
VITALLY IMPORTANT
Delivered

Dear Lexy,

There’s too many options. There’s 20 and also 6 big chargers and 3 good luck charm(?) cable bites. I don’t think having 20 is a good the best business idea. In a podcast of Freakonomics, a smart person said that in her experiments, more choice led to more interaction (it had to do with jam tasting), but less options led to more people actually buying jams- more action.

Some of them are too cutesy and a few of them are ugly. I’m debating between the shark, the lion, the frilled lizard, the shark (regular), and that’s it. The problem is, the whale and sh shark and chameleon (my favorites) don’t ship until after your birthday- or maybe that’s why they’re my favorite, because I can’t get them. Or maybe I’ll just give it to you late. But then the problem is you’ll already have read this card and chosen one you want more out of the list I mentioned and then you might be disappointed. I’ll just wait until Lolly replies. I hope she doesn’t choose a cutesy or ugly one. If only they had that bird that flies into windows.

(Annie here, there’s this bird called the Cedar Waxwing that eats berries, gets drunk, and flies into windows. It’s her tablet screen saver Also, after consulting Lolly, I ordered the panda cable bite even though that one’s going to be late too. She said Lexy’s favorite animals were dogs, pandas, foxes, and two more that I don’t remember. This was confirmed by Lexy when we were playing QuizletLive in Spanish. One of the teams was chameleons, which she got excited about because she said she loved them. I asked her if they were her favorite animal, and she said it was one of them, along with pandas, dogs, birds, and something else again that I don’t remember. So yep, we’re good.)

Llama car decal

1/14/19 7:56 PM

Dear Lexy,

Okay, I know this isn’t the most practical gift for your car and maybe I should’ve just gotten you fairy lights. But read this review and then tell me to my face if you would’ve been able to not get this instead.

RECREATED URBAN OUTFITTERS REVIEW
dabontheh8ers
Location: Venice, FL
Age: Over 65
*****
very realistic scared my son
my son came out to go to school in the morning and he screamed bc he thought this was a real llama and he is very afraid of llamas 10/10 recommend if your son is not afraid of llamas merry christmas
Yes, I recommend this production. product. (edit, 1/16/19)
(This is the only review, by the way.)

Let me point out a few things to you, birthday girl. Look at this person’s username. Now look at the age. What is going on here? Just imagine if this older lady or gentleman likes driving her or his son to school (he’s getting another degree) and that’s when this story happens. And then the reviewer acts like nothing’s different when the son screams. And the son’s like, why do you have a llama??? And then the reviewer responds, “Oh, that’s what you screamed about? You know, I get lonely sometimes and you told me I should do something about ^it, so I did.” “I meant by meeting new PEO-” “His name is Gregory Peck or Audrey Hepburn -> choose your own adventure. You’re being very rude right now, I thought I raised you better, you haven’t even said hello yet.” Moment of silence. The son looks like he wants to say five different things. This contorts his face into a peculiar expression. “Hurry. You’re about to be late for class. Don’t you have that pretty professor that you were talking about this morning? What’s her name again? Megan? Mandy? It’s on the tip of my tongue.” “Good morning, Mr. Peck/Mrs. Hepburn. I never thought I would get to meet you in person, considering you’re dead and all, but it’s nice a pleasure.” The reviewer watches this through the rearview window and looks satisfied, if not also a little smug. “Now buckle, so we can get going. I have to go on the high way because you took so long, and you know how much I don’t like driving with all those crazy people.” The son clicked the metal into place. “Also, her name’s Rose.” The reviewer opens her mouth to ask how come he still hasn’t invited her over to dinner, half a semester had passed already, what was taking him so long, but never gets the chance to pose the question. The son continues by saying, “But I don’t have her this morning. That’s only on Tuesdays. Every other day I have this very nice gentleman woman called Mr. Calloway Ms. Taren. His/her wife/husband passed away last year and her family lives in Europe, so I was thinking about asking him/her to come over for dinner during the holidays. He/She’s around your age, so I would appreciate if you would come too. Is that okay?” The reviewer stopped at a red light and looked at his/her son with a suspicious expression. “What are you trying to say, young-” “Dad/mom, the light’s green.” The reviewer startled. “Oh. Right.” “So? Can you come?” “I’ll have to check my schedule. I’m very busy, you know.” The son snorted beside her. He/she threw a swift glare at him. “Don’t talk back to me.” The son made the same shocked and defensive gesture as he had many times as a kid. “Fine. It’ll be on the 20th. Do you have plans that day?” The reviewer hesitated. In his/her mind, indecisive thoughts raced back and forth. What to say, oh what to say. Finally he/she harrumphed and said, “I don’t think so- but, something might come up. You never know.” The son nodded. “Of course.” He then turned the radio to his favorite station, a station his parent abhored more than the crazy drivers on the highway. Usually, he/she would immediately make him go back to the enws station he/she had listened to since he/she first discovered while randomnly turning the knob at sixteen. This time, the reviewer didn’t even seem to notice. The son leaned back closed his eyes, and smiled for the rest of the drive. Besides him, the reviewer sat stiffly, mouth clamped shut. Inside words flew through. The reviewer hadn’t talked to someone his/her age since… it was too long to even keep track of. It had been a while since the reviewer had talked to someone besides his/her son, for goodness’s sake. Did he/she still even know how to meet new people? What if he/she had forgotten? What if he/she was forever doomed to meet nobody new for the rest of his/her life? I thought you didn’t want to meet anyone, he/she said to himself/herself, overwhelmed and confused by all these new feelings. Another part of his/her heart whispered, “That’s not true. You’re just scared.” And then another part yelling like a blaring fire alarm- NO BAD IDEA BAD BAD IDEA BAD DIEA. It was very tiring to have so many voices disagreeing, and doing so loudly too, which was why it wasn’t until an hour later that the reviewer realized he/she had already dropped the son off and driven back home- and what was that horrible noise? He/she frantically turned the knob until trust Stan Smiths voice came through again. The reviewer relaxed, but only slightly. Carefully getting out of the car and walking to the front door, the reviewer stopped, looking at Gregory Peck/Audrey Hepburn, and said, “I don’t care how nice he says this Mr. Calloway Ms. Taren is, if he/she’s rude to you, he/she’s going to be dropped like a hot potato. Not that I’m holding them, or even considering holding them, per se. Just hypothetically, of course. Of course.” With that, the reviewer entered his/her home and close the door.

Wow. I don’t know what happened. That just came out. Weird. Cool.

A MAN CALLED OVE

1/14/19 8:11 PM

Dear Lexy,

Please don’t be offended I’m giving you something I already own. I think you’re going to like it. Here’s a list of more books. Some I think you will like because of the books you’ve read, others because I love them so I want you to read them too. Some of them are more wild card-ish.

1. On the Come up by Angie Thomas (author of THUG)
2. Counting by 7’s by Holly Goldberg Sloan
3. We were the Lucky Ones by Georgia Hunter
4. Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys
5. The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Chris Healy
6. The Princess Bride by William Goldman
7. Once and For All by Sarah Dessen
8. Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple
9. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
10. Howl’s Moving Castle by Dianne Wynne Jones
11. Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson
12. Code Name Verity by Elizabeth E. Wein
13. Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand
14. Under a Painted Sky by Stacy Lee
15. The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly by Stephanie Oakes
16. 84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff

What are your favorite animals? I don’t have a quick answer for this one. I’ll say jellyfish for right now.
Have you seen a cable bit before? I first saw one in the fall. My friend has a hippo. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to keep the wires from fraying and to differentiate it.
Books that I know Lexy loves include The Book Thief, The Help, and Redeeming Love- any more recommendations?
What’s a funny product review you’ve seen? The other day I was looking at headphones, and one person said that maybe the headphones didn’t work for this other reviewer because the guy’s ears were too big.
Also, she put the sticker on her car. :))