Snippets from school assemblies

Every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, my entire high school (of 400 something people) gathers in the auditorium for announcements/worship/speaker/whatever crazy scheme the adults come up with. Usually, it’s a recipe for comfortable mundaneness, but on occasion, it creates some pretty funny moments.

A lot of the time it results from the principal’s wry sense of humor. For instance:

Last week, he gave us a refresher on the school’s rules. One of those is that you’re not allowed to carry blankets around with you from class to class. He said it was because it looked bad for when visitors came to tour the school and that we looked like “privileged homeless kids.”

When the temperature dropped, he told us about his conversation with his brother who lives in Colorado and is also a headmaster (I guess it runs in the family?). At his school, the kids go outside if the temperature is in the double digits. If it’s nine degrees, they stay inside. If it’s ten degrees, the kids have recess. He said they were like mini polar bears. On the other hand, we stay inside if the windshield and temperature is below forty.

Another rule is that on Fridays, the one day of the week we don’t have to wear our uniforms, we’re only allowed to wear jeans but only blue ones. Of course, as I’m sure happens ever year, some students went to talk to him and the other administrators about enlarging the acceptable color spectrum. The other day, he told us he and the two teachers were praying about wheat (apparently there’s some senior who has a super awesome pair of “wheat” colored jeans?), gray, and black jeans. When a student shouted from the crowd that God’s answer was yes, he shot back that God had told him He hadn’t heard from us in a while.

Sometimes it doesn’t involve the headmaster. For example:

This one speaker talked about his high school experience in a not very good city in California. At the school, fights broke out so often that the principal, the six vice principals, and the six counselors all had helmets and bikes that they would ride on to go from breaking up one scuffle to another. They also had sirens and megaphones.

Another time, the president of Biola University came to speak. He was very energetic and basically burst (Wait, the past tense of burst is burst? Oops, “bursted” is definitely not a word.) with energy. At the beginning of his talk, he mentioned that the founder of Vine was an alumni from that school, which grabbed a good percentage of the audience’s attention. I thought that was a very clever move on his part. The man went on to talk about overusing technology and how boredom can sometimes be a virtue. I particularly liked two things he said.
1) The world doesn’t need more boring people. It needs more bored people.
2) When people tell me they’re bored, I want to tell them to put on a cape and be SuperBored.


At what temperature does outside stuff get canceled at your school? When my principal told us about his brother’s school, he said that they probably think we’re a bunch of weaklings, to which I say: do their summers soar into the triple digits? Anyways, what are your school assemblies like? Wait, do you even have school assemblies? My school’s small so it’s okay, but I can imagine it would be too much of a hassle for larger schools.

18 thoughts on “Snippets from school assemblies”

  1. ok, your principal sounds hilarious. also, the speaker at your school is smart– what better way than to pull people in with vines? although I have to say that won’t work on me -crosses arms-
    today, annie inspired me to be my best-bored self. I feel like boredness is a problem I mainly struggle with while everyone else is doing whatever?? I cry on the inside, honestly, but I will where my cape with pride xD
    also, I just stumbled through your blog from olivia, and it is ah-mazing. your posts are so wry and witty and SO MUCH LOVE.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, he is! The high school administration at my school is great all around. One lady grew up in legit Cookietown. I think the school mascot might have been Fighting Snickerdoodles-I hope I didn’t just make that up. Ha, I know right??
      I am one hundred percent with you-wearing my cape with pride! What color is yours? And ahh oh my goodness, thank you!! THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING :))

      Liked by 1 person

      1. nooo, are you serious?? although snickerdoodles ARE underrated, that is.. ok, it’s a really sad mascot! I can just imagine that in someone’s job description: Sarah, 19, major in biology, fighting snickerdoodle
        mine is color-changing depending on the day/mood. right now, I’m leaning towards a dusty, sunset orange. andboh my gosh, your town sounds hilarious and charming, in the best way possible! of course, it’s all you!! keep in touch?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hahaha, I know right?? I think if you included in your description, people would think it was just someone joking around.
          Ohhh, good answer. I think right now mine is either bright yellow or invisibility cloak-ish. Which are pretty different answers. Haha, thank you! And yes :))

          Liked by 1 person

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